More SPAM! Good Thing I'm Hungry!
Me too. Ironic, that, eh?
Dear Friend, As you read this, I don't want you to feel sorry for me, because, I believe everyone will die someday.
You're parents named you BATES?! WTF kinda crack were they on?
My name is BATES ALAN
Oh. That explains it. I guess.
a merchant in Dubai, in the U.A.E.
Esophageal cancer! NO! NOT THE DREADED SNUFFULUFAGUS CANCER! SNUFFY! DON'T DIE! BIG BIRD NEEDS YOU! SNUUUUUUFFYYYYYYYYYYYY!
I have been diagnosed with Esophageal cancer.
EWWW! NASTY!
It has defiled all forms of medical treatment,
With all that defiling going on in you, I wonder why...
and right now I have only about a few months to live, according to medical experts.
Ah, so you're a corporate american. Gotcha.
I have not particularly lived my life so well, as I never really cared for anyone(not even myself)but my business.
Yeah. You just said that.
Though I am very rich, I was never generous, I was always hostile to people and only focused on my business as that was the only thing I cared for.
There is? LIAR!
But now I regret all this as I now know that there is more to life than just wanting to have or make all the money in the world.
Um... dur.
I believe when God gives me a second chance to come to this world I would live my life a different way from how I have lived it.
Did he call you collect? I hope he at least dialed down the center and used 1 800 C A L L A T T. Otherwise, Carrot Top will be coming to talk to him...
Now that God has called me,
Awww! Touch you! With a 40lb sledgehammer.
I have willed and given most of my property and assets to my immediate and extended family members as well as a few close friends.
Waitaminnit! All I gotta do to get into heaven and have eternal salvation is just donate to some charities when I die? I don't have to ask God for forgivness, or accept Christ as my savior? Damn. I've been doing it the hard way all this time. Man, I bet when Jesus finds out that he didn't have to die on the cross, he's gonna be mighty pissed. Man, I sure wouldn't wanna be God then!
I want God to be merciful to me and accept my soul so, I have decided to give alms to charity organizations, as I want this to be one of the last good deeds I do on earth.
And you contributed nothing to the U.S? YOU WILL BURN IN HELL, YOU HEATHEN! U.S.A. IS GREATES CHARITY!
So far, I have distributed money to some charity organizations in the U.A.E, Algeria and Malaysia.
Ouch! Sucks to be you! Oh wait, we already covered that at the beginning...
Now that my health has deteriorated so badly, I cannot do this myself anymore.
Erm... you started talking normal, then you started talking like Boris... "Distribute money to charity organization in Bulgaria and Pakistan. But do not give money to Moose and Squirrel!"
I once asked members of my family to close one of my accounts and distribute the money which I have there to charity organization in Bulgaria and Pakistan,
Smart people.
they refused and kept the money to themselves.
I coulda been a contenda!
Hence, I do not trust them anymore, as they seem not to be contended with what I have left for them.
I know of it. You're just about to tell me...
The last of my money which no one knows of
WHOA! Eighteen million dollars $18,000,000,00! That is a LOT of money! At least, I think that's money.... Say, how much is one dollar $18,000,000,00 worth in U.S. currency? And how do you pronounce $18,000,000,00? I mean, in America, that's just one zero (0) shy of $18 billion...
is the huge cash deposit of eighteen million dollars $18,000,000,00 that I have with a finance/Security Company abroad.
So, I have to collect it, and have already dispatched it at the same time?
I will want you to help me collect this deposit and dispatched it to charity organizations.
My time said it doesn't want the money, so I'll take it's 10%. So, that's 20% going to me. And if just 9 other people do this, we'll have 100% of the money, and charity will have none. Sounds good to me!
I have set aside 10% for you and for your time.
Thanks!
God be with you.
You know, maybe you should spend a little of that money to get your name changed to something like Bates Alan. Or even better, to Alan Bates.
BATES ALAN