News Archive for January 2004

January 10, 2004 ~ Posted by Elric
We'll Spam You More In 2004!
  I think that must be this year's slogan for spammers, mainly because it rhymes. Then again, most spammers aren't smart enough to come up with something like that. I'd take a guess as to what it's like, but I just can't lower my IQ enough to even come close. And trust me, I can get my IQ pretty low. I do it every Monday night when my friends come over and we watch WWE Monday Night Raw and follow it up with an episode of Most Extreme Elimination Challenge...

  Anyway, I'm cleaning out my Yahoo! inbox, and I figured I'd share some spam with you. Think of it as a belated Christmas gift. Don't you just love me? Oh, and it's not full e-mails, just the subjects. I'm not that evil. Well, I am, but that's beside the point.

 
  • "This looks painfull" - I dunno what painfull is, but it's painful to look at bad spelling.
  • "Put on leather for this" - Since when do I need to dress up for spam? What's next, Black Tie Spam?
  • "Explore the nets kinkiest!" - Yeah, fishing nets can be so kinky!
  • "your daily reminder" - Thanks! I almost forgot!
  • "We can't buy you any beer. But we CAN get you some women" - What good are women without beer? Wait... can they get me beer? If so, I'll take 3!
  • "Get your spam blocking software now" - Damn, that has got to be the most ingenious way to market a spam blocker! Can I have 2?
  • "Connection deficiencies detected." - Damn. I guess I need to get some modemagra...
  • "Do you have a fetish" - Yes! I'm turned on by spam! THANK YOU!
  • "Don't tell them out secret" - OK, I won't tell them that you plan to marry the internet, while I plan to kill it, then we run off with it's money and live in the Bahamas...
  • "Find someone new" - Wow. That's pretty blunt. And here I thought we had soemthing special... I'll miss you spam... please, take me back! I can change! I really mean it this time!
  • "The New Car is Yours; Say the word" - Bird bird bird 'cause the bird is the word!
  • "OPINION SURVEY -- What do you think?" - It's a little bland. Can I get some ketchup?
  • "your daily remider" - Damn! I forgot again! What would I do without you?
  • "Ebay Exposed" - Sorry, but I don't htink I'm old enough to see that.
  • "We have the prefect present" - A monkey in a box?! You BASTARDS! I wanted that!
  • "You are a freak arent you" - Yes. Next question.
  • "Choose your gift at no cost!" - Gimme the monkey in a box from 2 spams ago! HAHA! It's MINE! Who's laughing now, bitch!
  • "Do you think Michael Jackson is GUILTY?" - First of all, by emphasizing guilty, you're leading the witness, which isn't allowed. Second, and more importantly, do YOU think he's GUILTY? li> "This is totally Insane!" - It sure is!
  • "You're every woman's dream" - Thanks for the flattery, but I think people like Sharkey, Thor J.R., and that monkey in the box are all waaaay ahead of me.
  • "me and my roommates had a party" - Good for you. Maybe next week, you can all go to the free clinic. Make sure you spam me with your results!
  • "Do You Hate Typing?" - Not nearly as much as it hates me. Are you offering counciling?
  • "Get Disney's Princess magazine and 3 magical gifts!" - Are they bondage outfits? Gotta love that Disney pr0n!
  • "Grow gigantic quickly!" - Are you kidding? That's a lame super power! give me x-ray vision, or super strength or something COOL!
  • "Check these out" - That's nothing. Check THESE out!
  • "Presto Your Debt Is Erased" - SWEET! Now I can get in debt all the time, and have it erased just like that! Can you spam me once a month?

      Just imagine how great this would have been if I was actually funny...